11 Tips for Junior Athlete Stress Management

When looking at the development and happiness of my junior clients (and my own children) it is very important that we not forget certain items.  Our children are not just shorter adults.  They process information, your expectations and their own perceived progress differently.  

• Be careful the child does not over train physically.  Working too hard for too long increases the risk of burnout and injury.
• The child should practice for a short period of time with high intensity.  Several short intense periods of practice are better from a stress perspective than one long enduring one.
• The child should think of the time off between practice sessions or matches as a part of training.  Relaxation and recovery are as important as work and effort.  Work to get the right balance of relaxation, fun, and hard work.
• Do not let the child play too many tournaments in a row.  How many is too many?  That will depend on the child’s age, stamina, and experience.  Make sure to listen to your child.  The scheduling of bouts of emotional and physical stress is extremely important.
• Know the stress signals and help your child put a number (1-10) on their current level.  Ask the child to be aware of his or her stress gauge: loss of energy, moodiness, loss of sense of humor, sleep problems, persistent colds or pains, among others.  Adjust their commitment levels accordingly.
• Help your child learn to say no.  When the player has had enough, he or she should let you and the coach know.
• Help the child take control.  Situations are not stressful; people are.  Emphasize to the child that he or she is not a helpless victim; situations are challenges to learn from and grow.
• Boredom is stressful so help the child be creative in training.  The best barometer of stress is how much fun the child is having.
• Ask both yourself and your child, “If today was the last day she could ever play tennis, was it worth it?”  If the answer is no, something is wrong.  Don’t postpone the child’s happiness - or your own – until some special goal is achieved.  The workouts and play should be enjoyable now! Only then is the price worth the payoff.
• My personal favorite- Do not have your child train more hours per week than their age. This includes all sports that they may be involved in, not just their "main" one. It also includes all their games too. This does not included their own pickup games in the driveway, backyard or on the court. An occasional week during tournaments or camp is okay, but back to back weeks will prove to exhaust the child and/or make them question their commitment and what they are giving up to play.
• Ask your own children how you are doing on the sidelines. Do they hear you and if so, is it positive. After the game, are you critical of their performance or positive? Most often, kids know when they have had a bad game and do not need your immediate confirmation of their performance. Instead, how about "Did you have fun" and "I love to watch you play". These two statements and their reaction will go a long way to helping them learn to cope and trust. It also helps you know what actually helps them or hurts them from the parent/coach perspective.

We only have a short time with our junior students and our children. Let's help them maintain a healthy balance in life and learn the tools to cope with their inevitable stress. The positive tools they learn through sports as a kid will benefit them in school and the rest of their lives.

Tips for Parents of Young Players

One thing that I love to do is watch my children play sports.  It can be the most exhilarating experience or one of the most frustrating.  Just remember that your children should be on the court because they want to not to fulfill your dreams.  Your children will gravitate to and be successful at tennis if they feel progression, a sense of belonging and pride in themselves for playing.  Follow the suggestions below to help ensure you have a tennis player for life.

DO:

• Treat your child the same whether he or she wins or loses.
• Try to have fun and enjoy the tournaments and the travel.  Your unhappiness can breed a child’s guilt.
• Look relaxed, calm, positive, and energized on the sidelines.  Your attitude will help the child to play better.
• Make friends with other parents at tournaments.  Socializing can make the event more fun.
• Get involved if the child’s behavior is unacceptable during a match play.  Your child doesn’t want to be labeled a jerk.
• Let the coach do the coaching.  Too much input can confuse the child.
• Understand that the child needs a break from tennis occasionally.  It doesn’t mean the child is quitting or burning out, they just need a break.
• Be there when the child loses or gets discouraged. Be an understanding listener, not a fixer.
• At the same time, give the child some space when he or she loses.  Your youngster will want to be alone for a while, then he or she will be O.K.  Don't press the conversation, they will talk about it when they are ready.
• Keep your sense of humor.  When you laugh and have fun, your child’s stress level takes a big drop.

DON’T:

• Say, “We’re playing today.”  Instead, say, “You’re playing today.”
• Get too pushy.  Having them fulfill their obligations (pre-paid clinics or playing the consolation draw) is different than forcing them to play.
• Turn away when the child behaves in an un-sportsmanlike manner on the court.
• Tell the child what he or she did wrong right after a tough match.  The last thing they want is your criticism immediately off the court.  Be a source of strength to them not someone they wish to avoid.
• Ask the child to talk with you immediately after a loss.
• Make enemies with your child’s opponents parents during a match.
• Act negatively or angrily (verbal or non-verbal) on the sidelines unless your child’s acting in an unsportsmanlike manner.  
• Your child is watching more than you think.  Their winning or losingcannot determine your approval of them.  
• Make your life your child’s tennis.
• Make your child feel guilty for all the time, money, and sacrifices you’re making for his or her tennis.
• Think of your child’s tennis as an investment for which you expect a return.
• Live out your own dreams through your child’s tennis.
• Try to take the coach’s job away.  Be the parent.
• Compare your child’s progress with that of other children, especially siblings.
• Badger, harass, or use sarcasm to motivate your child.  It may work in the short term, but they will rebel to your threats or mistreatment.
• Threaten or use fear to improve your child’s tennis discipline.

I hope you will use these suggestions for the betterment of your children.  We were blessed with parents that used these principles to assist and nurture our tennis games and lives.  Be the type of tennis parent your children deserve. See you on court.

5 Principles from the Carolina Panthers you can apply to Tennis

The Carolina Panthers are 17-1 and headed to Super Bowl 50.  The team is fulfilling its Destiny and looking to redeem the loss in their only other Super Bowl appearance in 2004.  While becoming a powerhouse franchise in the NFL, there are 5 things that the Panthers are doing that you can use to improve your tennis game.

• Stay together as a team- Throughout the 2015 season, the Panthers team have always given credit to their teammates.  Yes, that is easier to do when you win 17 games.  It is also too easy to get down on teammates when they fumble, throw an interception or make a mistake.  The same is true for tennis.  Everybody makes mistakes, so when your partner double faults or misses an easy shot, let it go and be positive with them.  Remember you also miss shots and would want to be treated fairly.  Also, after the match always deflect compliments to your partner and remain humble.  After a loss, make sure to be complimentary to your opponents.  I personally had a problem with this as a junior tennis player and would blame myself for losing and not give credit to my opponent for winning.  Don't make the same mistake, it is short-sided and limits your personal growth.

• Stay with your strengths- When something is working well, why change it?  The Panthers found great success in leveraging the athletic abilities of their quarterback, Cam Newton and the tenacity of their defense.  Cam led a lightning bolt offense with a strong arm and fleet feet.  Favorite targets Olsen, Ginn, Jr. & Benjamin were valuable receivers and the defense anchored by Davis, Kuechly & Norman stopped opposing quarterbacks all season and never wavered in their study of the opposition.  I was told very early on in my tennis career to keep a winning game and change a losing one.  If your game is driving one opponent crazy, why involve her partner any more than necessary?  If your partner is on fire at the net, do all you can to get her up there and hit a consistent ball to set her up to attack the opponent's returns.  Often, when players get ahead they like to start experimenting with different tactics that might be a weakness.  If you are up 6-0, 5-0, have at it.  Otherwise stick to the game plan and play your strengths that day.   

• Share the success- He has been criticized by some, but Cam Newton likes to celebrate with his teammates and fans.  He started handing the touchdown football to young kids in the endzone front row and circling the stadium giving high fives after the games.  He is also quick to credit his teammates for victories and take responsibility for mistakes (remember tip #1).  In fact, Cam has all the names of his teammates written on his cleats.  Charlotte, NC has also benefited from all Panthers players becoming more active in the community and thanking the very people that support them.  When you win matches, make sure to thank your partner (she was there too) and maybe even your team captain (thankless job).  Also don't forget to share your happiness with your certified tennis coach.  He/she would love to hear about what went right in your match and use that feedback to help you continue to improve.  When you do not win, make sure to not drag down your partner.  Be graceful in defeat and congratulate your opponents.  Make sure not to cheapen other teammates' wins with off-handed comments (ex. they stacked the team and you got the weaker team or you were lucky to play with her, she is much better than you).  This happens more often than you realize and will create the wrong team atmosphere for your success.

• Remain positive in the face of adversity- You will not always have great success and you have a 50% chance of losing today.  The Panthers at one time were looking at an undefeated season when they lost to division rival Atlanta Falcons in week 16.  Although a setback, they regrouped and came back to beat the Buccaneers 38-10 a week later.  Matches are not always going to go your way.  The sun will come out when you serve and go behind the clouds for your opponents.  You will leave your favorite racquet in your spouse's car right before they leave town.  As I tell my children and remind my clients, life is not fair and the earlier you can learn that the better.  More than likely it will take from you rather than give to you.  Learning this early on in life and sports will allow you to take a mental inventory before, during and after matches.  You do not get what you think you deserve, you get what you work for.  No one likes to lose, but make sure you give it 100% from beginning to end.  One of my biggest pet peeves is when juniors start losing during a match and play sloppy tennis just to get it over.  They justify losing by saying that they did not give it 100%.  That thinking is going in the wrong direction.  Of course it is going to hurt when you give it everything you've got and you lose but what did you learn or gain from not giving your best effort.  An attitude of "whatever is convenient" won't accomplish very much.  An attitude of "whatever it takes" is impossible to stop.  You always learn much more about your game and yourself from your losses than your victories. 

• Give back and lift up others- The Panthers have definitely had an incredibly positive influence on their fans and city this season.  Youth football programs have grown, local charities have seen Panther players support their causes and they have given the city of Charlotte hope and something in which to collectively believe.  Earlier in Newton's career, he was seen as cocky and not willing to engage with the fans.  That has been a 180 this season, with Cam finally taking on the full role of leader.  Like all great leaders they know it takes a full team for sustained success.  Cam has plenty of Pro Bowl teammates but his real support comes from the fans.  One fan in particular, Braylon Beam, has stolen the hearts of the Panthers and their fans.  Braylon is fighting brain cancer and was selected by Make-A-Wish to be a NFL coach for the day.  Panthers Head Coach Ron Rivera handed over the reins during Panther Fanfest and Braylon did not disappoint.  See the video clip Braylon Beam.  So how does this relate to you?  You love tennis and at some point and time, you were introduced to it by someone else.  Why not pay it forward and encourage someone who has never played to give it a try?  Connect them with your tennis professional and help them get the right start to learning the game.  Take your gratitude one step further and invite a player that might be struggling or with less experience to join your foursome.  Tennis players can sometimes be cliquish and play with the same 3-5 people all the time.  Expand your circle and enjoy playing with a variety of partners and opponents.  It wasn't too long ago that you were the "weaker" player wanting to play with "stronger" players to improve.  Make sure you don't forget the value that gave to you when you were moving up the ladder.

Tennis is the vehicle for a healthy, athletic life.  Be positive, play to your strengths, lift up others, stay strong and give back to raise your game and life to its highest potential.  See you on court and #keeppounding

Values of Tennis

Tennis is one of the best sports in the world for many reasons.  It is a lifetime sport and can be played by everyone in the family.  It promotes healthy exercise and brings friends together.  Here are the values that tennis also teaches.

• It builds self-confidence and self-esteem.
• It teaches the child how to be a competitor and how to uphold the standards of good sportsmanship and respect for opponents.
• It teaches self-discipline and self-reliance.
• It teaches goal setting and that hard work will lead to achievement.
• It is a lifetime sport, good physical exercise, and fun.
• It teaches stress management.
• It teaches development of a positive attitude in spite of great difficulty and adversity.
• It stresses problem solving under pressure.  In fact, playing tennis can be perceived as nothing more than a continuous presentation of problems.
• It teaches independence through travel and through relationships with a wide variety of people.
• It teaches emotional and physical balance.  Tennis is proving to be one of the healthiest, least injury-prone sports juniors can play.  It teaches juniors how to relax and how to recover under pressure.
• It is a great family sport.

Get out on the court together and enjoy the sport of a lifetime.

In Match Stress Reduction Techniques

It is often true that our toughest competitor in tennis is one's self.  Battling one's emotions will not only distract you from the task at hand, but it has the capability to unravel your entire game plan.  Below are a few suggestions of how to reduce your stress during a match, so that you focus will come back online.

Physical

• Shake your arms and let them dangle from your shoulders, letting all the tension go out of your arms and making them feel sloppy and loose.
• Let your jaw dangle and release from clenching your teeth.
• Bounce on your toes between points, staying centered and light on your feet.
• Do some stretching between points.
• Sit down on the changeovers whether you are tired or not.
• Swing the racquet loosely between your fingers in between points or place it in your non-dominant hand to avoid the "death" grip.

Mental

• Be your own best friend and talk positively to yourself (examples).
• Eliminate negative thoughts or pictures.
• If you are feeling too much pressure, let your mind wander between points.  Too much intensity can be tiring.
• Learn to put things in a humorous light.
• Put things in perspective overall.  Enjoy the battle.
• Clear your mind between points.  You cannot change the past only the future.  Don't dwell on your mistakes, learn from them.
• Keep analyzing and planning to a minimum, using picture images rather than words.
• Picture yourself at your best, performing at your highest level.

Breathing

• Take some deep breaths between points.  Focus on your breathing and make sure they are not too shallow.  Listen and feel it.
• Breathe from the diaphragm between points to avoid hyperventilation.
• Breathe in conjunction with opponent's shots and breathe out on impact with your shots.
• Count backward from 10 slowly to calm yourself and bring about a more relaxed state.

Behavorial

• Take more time in preparing for serve and return of service.  Touching the back fence in between each point will make you become more deliberate.
• Act confidently and you will feel that way.  Shoulders and chin up, do not show your frustration to your opponent.
• Keep the racquet in your hand.  Throwing the racquet may feel like a release, but it is the beginning of the downward spiral.
• Smile between points once in a while.
• Move more deliberately in picking up balls in between points.
• Spin the racquet in your hands and straighten your strings between points.

I hope these simple suggestions will help you stay on top of your stress in your next big match. Gandhi said it best when he stated:

Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.

Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior.

Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits.

Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.

Please comment and let me know if you have other techniques that work well for you.  See you on the court.