11 Tips for Junior Athlete Stress Management

When looking at the development and happiness of my junior clients (and my own children) it is very important that we not forget certain items.  Our children are not just shorter adults.  They process information, your expectations and their own perceived progress differently.  

• Be careful the child does not over train physically.  Working too hard for too long increases the risk of burnout and injury.
• The child should practice for a short period of time with high intensity.  Several short intense periods of practice are better from a stress perspective than one long enduring one.
• The child should think of the time off between practice sessions or matches as a part of training.  Relaxation and recovery are as important as work and effort.  Work to get the right balance of relaxation, fun, and hard work.
• Do not let the child play too many tournaments in a row.  How many is too many?  That will depend on the child’s age, stamina, and experience.  Make sure to listen to your child.  The scheduling of bouts of emotional and physical stress is extremely important.
• Know the stress signals and help your child put a number (1-10) on their current level.  Ask the child to be aware of his or her stress gauge: loss of energy, moodiness, loss of sense of humor, sleep problems, persistent colds or pains, among others.  Adjust their commitment levels accordingly.
• Help your child learn to say no.  When the player has had enough, he or she should let you and the coach know.
• Help the child take control.  Situations are not stressful; people are.  Emphasize to the child that he or she is not a helpless victim; situations are challenges to learn from and grow.
• Boredom is stressful so help the child be creative in training.  The best barometer of stress is how much fun the child is having.
• Ask both yourself and your child, “If today was the last day she could ever play tennis, was it worth it?”  If the answer is no, something is wrong.  Don’t postpone the child’s happiness - or your own – until some special goal is achieved.  The workouts and play should be enjoyable now! Only then is the price worth the payoff.
• My personal favorite- Do not have your child train more hours per week than their age. This includes all sports that they may be involved in, not just their "main" one. It also includes all their games too. This does not included their own pickup games in the driveway, backyard or on the court. An occasional week during tournaments or camp is okay, but back to back weeks will prove to exhaust the child and/or make them question their commitment and what they are giving up to play.
• Ask your own children how you are doing on the sidelines. Do they hear you and if so, is it positive. After the game, are you critical of their performance or positive? Most often, kids know when they have had a bad game and do not need your immediate confirmation of their performance. Instead, how about "Did you have fun" and "I love to watch you play". These two statements and their reaction will go a long way to helping them learn to cope and trust. It also helps you know what actually helps them or hurts them from the parent/coach perspective.

We only have a short time with our junior students and our children. Let's help them maintain a healthy balance in life and learn the tools to cope with their inevitable stress. The positive tools they learn through sports as a kid will benefit them in school and the rest of their lives.

Tips for Parents of Young Players

One thing that I love to do is watch my children play sports.  It can be the most exhilarating experience or one of the most frustrating.  Just remember that your children should be on the court because they want to not to fulfill your dreams.  Your children will gravitate to and be successful at tennis if they feel progression, a sense of belonging and pride in themselves for playing.  Follow the suggestions below to help ensure you have a tennis player for life.

DO:

• Treat your child the same whether he or she wins or loses.
• Try to have fun and enjoy the tournaments and the travel.  Your unhappiness can breed a child’s guilt.
• Look relaxed, calm, positive, and energized on the sidelines.  Your attitude will help the child to play better.
• Make friends with other parents at tournaments.  Socializing can make the event more fun.
• Get involved if the child’s behavior is unacceptable during a match play.  Your child doesn’t want to be labeled a jerk.
• Let the coach do the coaching.  Too much input can confuse the child.
• Understand that the child needs a break from tennis occasionally.  It doesn’t mean the child is quitting or burning out, they just need a break.
• Be there when the child loses or gets discouraged. Be an understanding listener, not a fixer.
• At the same time, give the child some space when he or she loses.  Your youngster will want to be alone for a while, then he or she will be O.K.  Don't press the conversation, they will talk about it when they are ready.
• Keep your sense of humor.  When you laugh and have fun, your child’s stress level takes a big drop.

DON’T:

• Say, “We’re playing today.”  Instead, say, “You’re playing today.”
• Get too pushy.  Having them fulfill their obligations (pre-paid clinics or playing the consolation draw) is different than forcing them to play.
• Turn away when the child behaves in an un-sportsmanlike manner on the court.
• Tell the child what he or she did wrong right after a tough match.  The last thing they want is your criticism immediately off the court.  Be a source of strength to them not someone they wish to avoid.
• Ask the child to talk with you immediately after a loss.
• Make enemies with your child’s opponents parents during a match.
• Act negatively or angrily (verbal or non-verbal) on the sidelines unless your child’s acting in an unsportsmanlike manner.  
• Your child is watching more than you think.  Their winning or losingcannot determine your approval of them.  
• Make your life your child’s tennis.
• Make your child feel guilty for all the time, money, and sacrifices you’re making for his or her tennis.
• Think of your child’s tennis as an investment for which you expect a return.
• Live out your own dreams through your child’s tennis.
• Try to take the coach’s job away.  Be the parent.
• Compare your child’s progress with that of other children, especially siblings.
• Badger, harass, or use sarcasm to motivate your child.  It may work in the short term, but they will rebel to your threats or mistreatment.
• Threaten or use fear to improve your child’s tennis discipline.

I hope you will use these suggestions for the betterment of your children.  We were blessed with parents that used these principles to assist and nurture our tennis games and lives.  Be the type of tennis parent your children deserve. See you on court.